This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
