I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
