i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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