Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
