puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
