so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
