I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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