4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
