wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
