I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
