After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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