you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
