I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
