I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
