a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
