Plan B is the new Plan A
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
