She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
