Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
