He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
