i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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