Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
