do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
