Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
