I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
