you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
