if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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