The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
