I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
