you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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