shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
