ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
