My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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