You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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