my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
