Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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