Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
