I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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