God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
