we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
well, you know. whores of a feather.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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