Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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