I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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