he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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