i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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