it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
