My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
