yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need a beard to bite.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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