just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
