I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
