So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
