wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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