Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
