i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
