I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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