i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
