made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
