covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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