I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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